A Young Lady Who Wants to Be Honest (2)
Theorad had always thought of himself as a man who led a quiet, moderate life.
In his own estimation, he managed House Deharem conscientiously, treated servants and slaves without needless cruelty, and tried to meet others with goodwill. His days rarely brought anything truly extraordinary.
Or so he liked to believe.
When he'd discovered the elf's true nature, he'd thought nothing could ever surprise him more. But Ashley's sudden request struck him like a hammer.
She wants us to… have sex?
This was Ashley de Pelgaroin, the Count's second daughter, whose family's standing commanded even the Emperor's respect. She was sensible and impeccably mannered, the last person he would expect to make such an abrupt request.
Why would she want to do this now?
After a long, bewildered silence, he managed to speak.
“If I heard you correctly…”
“I asked you to have sex with me, Sir Theorad.”
She had left no room for misunderstanding.
Theorad glanced toward the door and windows. If anyone overheard this discussion, the consequences could be disastrous. He lowered his voice.
“Ashley, we haven't had our wedding ceremony yet. If we don't remain chaste until marriage, our families could be criticized. For the sake of their honor, shouldn't we wait until after the ceremony?”
“I know. I do know…”
She looked down, her voice still trembling with embarrassment.
“But if no one finds out… there won't be any scandal.”
“That would be a dangerous gamble. What if you became pregnant? It would be impossible to hide.”
“You don't need to worry about that.”
She lifted her eyes again, still bright with unshed tears.
“Today is a safe day.”
Theorad fell silent.
Even if that's true, is it right?
He was being asked to deceive a man he deeply respected—Ashley's father. Their marriage was not yet solemnized, and concealing this from the Count would feel like a betrayal.
He struggled to arrange his thoughts.
“Ashley, please calm down. You ought to consider whether this is truly what you want.”
“Sir Theorad…”
The words stung. Did he imagine she'd spoken on a whim, without thinking it over again and again?
When Ashley first learned that Theorad had slept with the elf, she'd felt an ugly tangle of resentment, jealousy and envy.
For a time she had put those feelings aside. She'd trusted that Theorad would never abandon her, that intimacy with the elf would not so easily steal his heart.
But…
The gentleness he'd begun showing the elf had unsettled her confidence. She tried to tell herself nothing had changed, yet her doubts only grew. And each fresh provocation from the elf fed the fear already taking root.
That was why she'd finally spoken today. She wanted to offer Theorad the intimacy, pleasure and happiness that she believed the elf could give him.
“I am serious. I sincerely want you to hold me, Sir Theorad.”
It sounded almost like a plea. A woman accustomed to receiving requests from others was now begging the man she loved for his affection.
Theorad couldn't know all that was passing through her mind. He only saw a request that ran against the customs and obligations he'd been taught to honor.
His silence hurt her more than he realized.
She held his hand tightly.
“Don't you want to hold me?”
“I…”
“I know why you're hesitating. It's my family, isn't it? Before I'm a woman, I'm a daughter of House Pelgaroin. You can't ignore what that means. But today…”
For once, the name she'd been taught to cherish felt like a shackle. She almost envied the elf, whose lowly position as a supposed sex slave seemed to give her a freedom Ashley had never known.
All her life, someone had been correcting her.
My lady, you must relearn how to cut your steak. Your wine service and the way you use a napkin are still lacking.
My lady, you mustn't run about. Remember who you are and how people will judge the family.
My lady, keep your dignity even when petting an animal or resting in a chair. Eyes will always be on you.
From childhood she had been told never to bring shame on House Pelgaroin. Her older siblings had enjoyed more freedom, but she had accepted the demands placed on her. She understood her father's wish to raise a daughter worthy of their name, and believed a noblewoman ought to set an example.
She had become a dutiful daughter without ever seriously rebelling.
But if the honor she'd worked so hard to preserve stood between her and the man she loved, she could no longer bear it.
“Please look at me, not my family name.”
Her eyes stayed fixed on his.
“Sir Theorad, I love you. That's why I want you to hold me. There's no other reason.”
She did not speak of her fear of losing him to the elf.
Theorad regarded her quietly, then let out a low sigh. Her cheeks were burning, and her voice had been shaking, yet there was no mistaking her sincerity.
“Is that your wish?”
“My… wish?”
Ashley remembered an earlier conversation outside a guest room, when Theorad had insisted that she keep one remaining wish in reserve.
“You don't have to decide now. If you can't think of anything, keep the right to make a wish and tell me later.”
He had refused to take back that promise. Was he offering to honor it now?
The idea was almost unfair. By calling this her wish, he was giving himself a reason to agree to what she had asked.
She felt both shy and strangely delighted.
“Yes,” she said, smiling. “It is my wish.”
Some time later, Theorad sat stiffly on the edge of a bed, both hands resting on his knees.
They could hardly remain in the drawing room for what they had agreed to do, so they'd gone to Ashley's bedroom. She had stepped into the adjoining bathroom to wash, leaving him alone with his nerves.
The sound of running water came through the door.
Just thinking of what might happen when she returned made him sit even straighter.
He looked around, desperate for something else to occupy his mind.
A dressing room, a vanity, a jewelry box, shelves of books almost like a study, a broad writing desk and an adjoining bathroom. Crystal spheres floated in the air, illuminating an elegant room much larger than his own sleeping quarters.
So this is how the daughter of House Pelgaroin lives…
He had meant to calm himself by examining the furnishings. Instead he was reminded of the gulf between their families, and his doubts about doing this before marriage returned.
The bathroom door opened.
“Sir Theorad…”
Ashley stood in a silk bathrobe. Her blond hair was still damp, and the robe followed the lines of her body. Bare thighs showed beneath its hem.
Theorad caught his breath.
“I'm sorry,” she said softly. “I asked you so suddenly…”
She approached in small, hesitant steps and sat beside him. A faint scent of soap lingered around her.
“But I'll do my best…”
The words trailed off. She was too embarrassed to say more.
Theorad loosened the ties of her bathrobe. The thin silk parted, leaving her breasts exposed; with her legs together, the rest of her body remained concealed from view.
For a moment he couldn't think of anything to say.
“You're beautiful.”
Ashley blushed deeply. She had been the one to ask for intimacy, yet showing herself to him made her freeze with shyness.
He gave her a small smile and eased the robe farther down her shoulders until it rested near her wrists. Her breasts were now fully bare.
“…Ah.”
Ashley fidgeted with her hands in her lap, struggling to meet his eyes. It was the first time she'd shown her body to a man. He found her awkwardness unexpectedly endearing.
I didn't know what to do my first time, either.
He rested one hand lightly on her thigh.
“Don't worry. Just trust me, and we'll take it from there.”
“Ah… yes.”
Finding a little courage, Ashley raised her eyes to his. Remembering something her maid had told her, she took hold of Theorad's wrist and guided his hand to her breast.
Theorad startled at the sudden contact. Her cheeks were scarlet, but she had guided his wrist there of her own accord.
“What you did with the elf…”
She drew a wavering breath.
“You may do that with me too.”