Crossed Minds (8)

The elf had known she would be found out someday.

As long as Ashley de Pelgaroin remained at Theorad's side, she had never expected the lie to last indefinitely. Yet she still had not told Theorad that her mind had returned. She could not rid herself of the fear that he would leave her the moment he learned the truth.

“I thought… one day would be all right…”

She had wanted to experience Theorad's kindness. To be held in his arms while he told her stories of long ago. To enjoy the affection she had yearned for and never managed to receive.

That was why she hid her recovery. Unaware of her deception, Theorad cared for her with an earnest tenderness that made her happy. His warm hand felt sweeter than the guilt of lying to him was painful.

But the following day, her thoughts changed.

“I was going to tell him. But…”

Theorad had come as he always did, carrying a book of fairy tales. A faint scent of soap clung to him as he approached her bed. He opened the book to read aloud.

The elf, unable to bear her guilty conscience, had opened her mouth to tell him the truth.

But the words would not come. A question lodged in her mind like a nightmare, tormenting her without mercy.

Do I even have the right to stay by Theorad's side?

The elf had approached him in the first place because of a promise, a wager concerning whether he would reveal his true nature. Convinced he was a villain destined to fall, she had played the slave while relentlessly belittling and tormenting him.

You're evil. You're a villain. Hurry up and show your true colors.

Again and again she had pushed him. But Theorad did not become corrupt. No matter how harsh the circumstances, he put his family and the people around him first.

And I…

She had trusted her own judgment without question, treating Theorad like a toy and doing with him as she pleased. Their many clashes had gradually made her realize she was wrong, that the villain she imagined was a misunderstanding of her own creation.

On the day assassins' arrows struck Theorad down, she had finally understood just how badly she had lost their wager.

She had wounded him in ways that could never simply be undone. Having failed to prove him evil, she had been the one to lord her power over him.

“I'm sorry…”

How could she claim a place beside him after that? If she admitted she was herself again and Theorad told her to return to the Great Forest, she would have no answer. She feared being separated from him forever.

While she seemed to be a child who had not recovered, however, she had a reason to remain near him.

And so, for four days, she had continued the pretense out of selfishness.

All the while, she knew she was committing another wrong.

“I'm truly sorry…”

A tear slipped down her cheek. She did not believe she deserved to cry, and she tried to keep her eyes open, but more tears followed. She shut her eyes and wiped them away, sobbing silently.

Ashley, watching, felt something she had not anticipated. The forged declaration slipped from her hand.

She tried to fit the elf's broken explanations into a coherent account. She could not follow everything, but the apology itself struck her with unexpected force.

“Why…?”

A hollow feeling drained her strength. This was the same elf who had persecuted Theorad so relentlessly. Ashley herself had not even decided she could forgive her. What right did the elf have to offer an apology first, as though a few words would settle everything?

It sounded horribly selfish. Anger swelled until Ashley wanted to scream.

“If you hadn't been there…!”

Theorad might have been spared so much suffering. Assassins might never have attacked him. Lord Beynon might not have had to risk his life protecting the people of the Deharem household.

As head of House Deharem, Theorad might have lived a quiet life. Ashley believed she had both the will and the means to make him happy.

Instead, the elf had imposed her unreasonable cruelty and treated him as a plaything, throwing his life into turmoil and driving Ashley herself to seek greater power.

“After making everyone's lives so difficult, why would you…?”

Of course, Ashley knew that the elf was not solely responsible. The causes of everything that had happened were intertwined like the strands of a spider's web.

She was taking out her frustration on one person. It was petty, and she knew it.

Ashley forced herself to master her anger.

“…Listen carefully.”

She had not come here for a quarrel. There was an immediate problem to solve.

“I didn't come to talk about our feelings. I came to ask for your cooperation.”

“Cooperation…?”

“Yes. If you truly regret what you've done, then help me protect Theorad. Ask his forgiveness through your actions.”

An apology alone had no weight. If the elf meant it, she had to act.

The elf understood. She raised her tear-stained face.

“…Tell me. Who attacked Theorad?”

A dangerous light kindled in her wet red eyes. She was already imagining killing whoever had harmed him.

It was an earnest resolve, but rash and unformed. Ashley knew that anger alone would protect no one. She sighed.

“From the information I've gathered, Prince Leonhard ordered a covert organization under his command, the Black Dogs, to attack Sir Theorad.”

“Then I'll go after that prince—”

“No.”

Ashley turned toward the window. Wind drove the rain more fiercely against the panes.

“War is almost upon us. If the prince is assassinated now, the ceremony could be delayed, or the war might never begin as planned.”

“That would ruin everything. Princess Benelia would lose her opportunity, and her position would collapse.”

“Why…?”

“Whether we like it or not, Sir Theorad is tied to Princess Benelia now. Perhaps it was unfortunate that they kept encountering each other at the Mage Tower. But once the newspapers presented them as allies, there was no chance to undo that impression.”

If Benelia fell, Theorad would be next. Even with the elf nearby, no one could guarantee his safety once the imperial family regarded him as an enemy.

“So you must strike a group we can afford to strike, in a rather particular way.”

Ashley faced the elf again.

“Disguise yourself as Sir Theorad and destroy the Black Dogs' stronghold. They're Prince Leonhard's secret organization. Do it as conspicuously and violently as possible.”

“You want witnesses?”

“Exactly. If everyone believes Sir Theorad is protected by the archmage, no assassin will dare accept a contract on his life. It will also be a warning to Prince Leonhard.”

The message was simple: We could kill you, but we're choosing not to. Watch what you do next. The bodies of the assassins would serve as a warning in themselves.

Leonhard would be powerless to retaliate openly. If he tried to punish House Deharem for the destruction of the Black Dogs, he would be admitting that he had used a private band of killers to carry out his dirty work.

He would have to watch while his own forces were cut away. With the war about to begin, he could hardly afford a separate confrontation.

For an enemy, it was a devastating move. For an ally, it exploited an enemy's weakness without upsetting the larger strategy.

If the plan worked, Theorad would be safe at least until the war began.

The elf found nothing to argue with. After reviewing Ashley's plan in her mind, she nodded.

“All right. Tell me where to go…”

“I have a document in my room showing the location. Wait here while I fetch it.”

Ashley started for the door. After only a few steps, she stopped.

There was something she had been trying not to say. She knew it would hurt the elf, and she knew she ought to keep silent. Yet sometimes feeling overruled judgment.

“Please. When all this is over…”

Ashley turned back. The elf had risen from the bed and was watching her, many emotions flickering across her face.

The words caught in Ashley's throat like thorns. She hesitated again and again before forcing them out.

“…Please leave Theorad.”

The elf's eyes widened. She went rigid, then took a step backward, as though confronted by a beast.

One step. Two. Three. Four…

She kept retreating until her heels struck the wall. The window behind her shuddered in the wind and rain, as unsteady as her heart.

“Ah… uh…”

Nausea rose in her throat. Tears welled as her hands searched blindly for support and clutched the windowsill. She struggled to steady her breathing.

Cold flooded the room with each ragged breath. Her mana, escaping her control, spread through the air and froze everything around her.

The elf noticed what was happening and hurriedly drew her power back.

She pressed a trembling hand over her mouth and waited for her racing heart to slow.

“…”

Time seemed to crawl. At a loss for words, she held a hand to her chest and finally managed to look up at Ashley.

“I'm sorry.”

She tried to smile, drawing up the corners of her mouth. The expression lasted only an instant before vanishing like a dandelion seed in a storm.

“So… please. Please…”

Grief took the smile's place. Her gaze sank toward Ashley's feet, but even that sight blurred through her tears.

“I… Theorad…”

Tears struck the floor.

She could no longer deny it to herself. Sobbing, the elf parted her lips and spoke the truth of her heart.

“…I love him.”

The confession, coming so suddenly, filled the room with sorrow.