Truth Can't Be Faked (2)

Ashley could do nothing to cool her burning face. She fidgeted with her fingers, then tried once more to explain herself.

“Th-what I just said…”

It was hopeless. Her voice trembled so badly that anyone hearing her would have drawn precisely the wrong conclusion. If not for her promise to the elf, Ashley would have fled the room at once.

She held her breath, gathered her courage, and slowly looked up.

“…”

Theorad was staring rigidly ahead. His hands rested in clenched fists upon his knees, betraying his own tension.

It was understandable. During the night of isolation, he had spent years wandering within the elf's consciousness. Though his treatment had succeeded and his memories and dulled emotions had returned with him to reality, that long confinement had not simply vanished from his mind.

Even a man who usually kept his distance from women could miss the warmth of another person's touch.

But…

For Theorad, the happiness of those around him had to come before his own desires. He had always believed it wrong to hurt anyone merely to satisfy himself.

That was why he had devoted himself to nursing the elf while restraining his own longings. Reason ought to govern instinct.

And now Ashley had suddenly come to his room, announced that they would spend the entire day together, and forestalled every excuse he might have made.

His imagination had taken an unfortunate turn.

Idiot! Get a hold of yourself!

What sort of man entertained such indecent thoughts about his beloved fiancée? She could hardly have come here with anything so improper in mind. His own imagination must have run wild.

He took a long breath to clear his head and turned back to her, light-brown eyes calm again.

“All right. If the elf agrees, I'd be glad to spend the day with you. But there are some things I need to finish first. Will you let me take care of them?”

“Yes? Oh…”

The misunderstanding had apparently evaporated. Ashley felt relieved, although an inexplicable sense of anticlimax remained, like wine that had been watered down. She did not show it. She appreciated his consideration too much for that.

“Of course. May I watch?”

“Well, it's tedious work…”

“…May I not?”

Her earnest expression was so charming that Theorad smiled.

“Of course you may.”

He rose and sat at the desk in his room.

Letters from home were piled there, most asking after his health. There were messages from nobles seeking to maintain friendly relations, students and faculty at the Mage Tower, members of his own household, and people living on Deharem lands.

No matter how many he answered by hand, another pile seemed to arrive the following day. Yet Theorad would neither discard them nor leave the replies to someone else. To ignore such sincere concern and encouragement would, he felt, be discourteous.

Watching him, Ashley began to worry. She moved from the bed to stand beside him, regarding his tired, rumpled appearance with pity.

Sir Theorad…

Now she understood why he had collapsed into bed the night before without even washing. He must have finished the elf's nursing shift and then spent the rest of the night answering letters.

For a man who ordinarily took such care with his appearance, it was a sorry sight.

Ashley was wondering whether she could help when Theorad glanced up and sprang from his chair.

“I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.”

He brought a chair from the corner and set it on the far side of the desk. Taking out his handkerchief, he carefully wiped the seat, then shook off the cloth and tucked it away.

“Your legs will get tired if you stand. Please sit here.”

“Ah… thank you.”

Ashley approached the chair, then paused.

They had finally found time to spend together. Why should she sit so far away?

Her hesitation lasted only a moment. She picked up the chair, carried it around the desk, and placed it directly beside his.

“I'll watch from here.”

It was a declaration rather than a request, as though she were reminding him that his fiancée had every right to sit at his side.

Theorad laughed softly at her determined expression.

“As you wish.”

Ashley sat with a shy smile. Theorad returned to his correspondence.

Scratch, scratch…

The quiet rasp of his quill was pleasant, as graceful in its way as his handwriting. When he finished a long reply, he folded the paper neatly, warmed a spoon over a candle, dripped sealing wax onto the envelope, and stamped it with his family's seal.

Even with his clothes in disarray, there was nothing careless about his movements.

“…”

Without realizing it, Ashley found herself watching his profile instead of the letters.

His fine jaw, half-lowered eyes, and composed mouth seemed to embody everything noble bearing ought to be. Even the few strands of hair that had escaped the sweep of his hand looked endearing. Perhaps love had simply blinded her to his faults, but that was how she saw him.

Unaware of her gaze, Theorad continued to write. Nearly an hour later, he set down his quill with a sigh. Almost half the correspondence still remained.

“Ashley, this will take a while longer. If you're tired, why not rest on the bed…?”

He turned toward her and froze.

They were very close. Ashley had leaned forward until her upturned face was barely a hand's breadth from his. Beneath her neatly gleaming blond hair, her blue eyes shone with affection even in the dull daylight.

He could hear her breathing.

Theorad swallowed, unsure what to do. His hesitation did not last. For a moment he let his reason fall silent and lowered his head. Ashley closed her eyes.

Their lips met lightly. Then they parted their lips and kissed more deeply.

“Mm…”

A soft sound escaped her. They embraced almost without thinking. Ashley drew him close, pressing against him as their kiss continued.

Theorad held Ashley at the waist and kissed her tenderly. Then he suddenly drew back, realizing how impulsively he had behaved.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

“…I'm sorry. I lost control for a moment.”

He tried to speak steadily, though his breathing was still uneven, and reluctantly released her.

“It's… it's all right.”

Ashley meant it, but disappointment lingered. She had willingly returned the kiss. Hadn't that told him she wanted to go further?

They had already been intimate once before. Sometimes his unfailing gentleness and restraint could be almost maddening.

“It's just…”

Theorad scratched his cheek awkwardly.

“Is today a safe day? It would be difficult if we had a child before the wedding, so I think we should both be patient.”

“Patient…?”

He had kissed her and then asked her to restrain herself. She could not help feeling slighted. Was she so unappealing that he could hold back his desire with ease?

Ashley pressed her lips together and looked away. Seeing how plainly upset she was, Theorad cleared his throat and tried again.

“Once the ceremony is over, I'll give you whatever you wish. I'll do my best to be a good husband. Could you forgive me just this once?”

“…I know. I've never doubted you'd be a good husband, Sir Theorad. But I don't think a person should always suppress what they want.”

“Ashley, I…”

She raised her eyes to his, almost pleading.

“Tell me honestly. Don't you want to be intimate with me?”

“Of course I do! I've never once thought otherwise!”

“Then…”

Ashley took hold of the front of her dress and lowered it to her waist. Beneath it, a pale corset fitted snugly around her chest, with a band around her waist.

His gaze fell there, and the attention restored a little of her confidence. She took his hand, drew it toward her, and placed it against the corset laces.

“…Prove it.”

Her voice was husky with embarrassment.

Theorad hesitated, then loosened the laces. He lowered the corset, baring her breasts; their pale skin and pink nipples were beautiful to him.

“You've been through so much. So…”

He looked up. Ashley's face was crimson; she was plainly shy, yet she forced herself to hold his gaze.

“It's all right to be as indulgent with me as you like.”