The Unknown Princess (4)
Some time after Benelia left, relief finally began to settle over me.
I'd been afraid that her sudden arrival with armed knights meant I'd committed some grave offense. Apparently that wasn't the case.
Then why had she come to my room so late at night?
I couldn't make sense of her visit, or why she'd openly criticized the Empire's disorder and insulted the ministers serving her own father.
House Deharem was insignificant beside the great families of the imperial capital. Yet its traditions and reputation were not so easily dismissed. Even if my house possessed little political power, something I said might still make its way to people who mattered.
If I went about repeating that the princess had spoken contemptuously of the imperial ministers, I would certainly bring trouble on myself. Why trust me with such remarks in the first place?
Does she want House Deharem on her side?
No. That made even less sense.
Our house wasn't important enough to make the risk of my betraying her worthwhile.
Then is it me she wants to recruit, rather than my family?
Perhaps Benelia had heard that I completed the artificial-rain magic and wanted to keep someone with that talent near her.
But I didn't complete it…
My own magical skill and knowledge were no more than those of a reasonably capable mage, even if one judged me generously.
Without the elf's help, bringing artificial-rain magic to completion that winter would have been impossible. Even with a great deal more time, I wasn't sure I could ever have accomplished it alone. Its structure was too complex.
Roylen hadn't been exaggerating when he called it the completion of a great spell.
My father and I had conceived the unusual weather magic and laid its foundation: altering the movements of the air high above to produce rain. The elf was the one who made it work.
If Benelia expected similar achievements from me, I would disappoint her.
“…”
But I couldn't tell her the truth.
The elf would never allow her own involvement to become public. If her identity were exposed, I couldn't begin to manage the bloodshed that might follow.
There was only one reasonable answer.
If Her Highness asks me to serve under her, I'll have to refuse politely.
Better to decline at the beginning than accept work far beyond my abilities.
I had no ambition to make my name at the imperial court. All I wanted was to preserve my family's honor and enjoy an ordinary life with Ashley.
Even with the elf's power at my disposal, I had no confidence that I could survive the mud and intrigue of politics.
Knock, knock.
The sound pulled me out of my thoughts.
I had a fairly good idea who stood outside. Clearing my throat, I composed myself.
“Come in.”
The door opened.
The elf entered, brilliant silver hair falling over the maid's uniform she wore. A water jug and cup rested on the tray in her hands.
We met each other's eyes, but she said nothing. She approached, set the tray on the table, then looked around the room.
“The princess… has she gone?”
Why does she want to know?
She couldn't be planning to throw water over Benelia. Surely not even this elf would do something so reckless.
I nodded, putting the thought aside.
“Yes. Her Highness finished her business and left.”
“I see.”
The elf poured water from the jug into the cup. Her red eyes were cold, and a strange chill ran through me as I watched.
I couldn't tell what was on her mind, only that she seemed displeased.
If I let the silence continue, matters might turn dangerous.
Beads of sweat formed on my forehead as I searched for a way to appease her. Then I drew a small pill from inside my coat.
Her eyes followed my hand.
“Master? What is that?”
“A medicine that gradually heightens sexual desire. Over ten days, it destroys your ability to reason and leaves you consumed by lust. You'll behave like a bitch in heat.”
“…Is that true?”
Of course it isn't!
It was an ordinary headache pill. I kept it with me as a household remedy.
But I could hardly tell her I'd produced a medicine simply because she was looking displeased and I needed to pretend I had prepared something for her.
I put on the cold stare of the merciless master I was supposed to be.
“Are you questioning me?”
“No.”
“Then don't complain.”
Fortunately, she asked nothing more.
She took the pill, placed it on her tongue and swallowed. Then she opened her mouth to show that it was gone.
I caught sight of her small tongue between her teeth and found the display embarrassingly intimate. Nevertheless, I managed an approving nod.
“Good. I can hardly wait to rape you once you've spent ten days in heat.”
“That's cruel, Master…”
“Be quiet. You're useless.”
Having delivered the sort of insult she seemed to expect, I drank a cup of water and stood.
I was about to give her another order when she abruptly stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me.
Huh?
For an instant I couldn't move.
She buried her face against my chest. When she spoke, her voice was low and almost trembling.
“Theorad Deharem. I remember you.”
“…”
“And you don't even know, do you?”
What is she talking about?
“If that was so, perhaps it wasn't selfish,” she murmured. But I couldn't tell what she meant. There was a damp, wounded quality to her voice that made me want to offer some comfort.
I couldn't find the right words.
For a little while she held me without speaking. Then she released her grip on my back and stepped away.
She smiled bitterly.
I'd never seen that expression on her face before.
“I'll see you tomorrow, Master…”
She left, and I remained alone in the room.
Benelia walked through darkness.
There was nothing unfamiliar about a world swallowed in shadow. She continued forward without thinking—until she noticed how short her strides had become.
Her legs were a child's legs.
She knew what that meant.
She had returned to a time when she was only six years old, and the familiar horror was about to begin.
“Ah…”
Benelia tried to seize her own throat, hoping to force herself awake.
Her hands changed before she could.
They became the hands of her second older brother, Leonhard.
“Ugh—”
Her small body collapsed.
Splash!
The darkness underfoot turned into a shallow sheet of water. Above her, the abyss became a blue sky, casting shadows across her body.
Leonhard appeared over her, his face twisted in rage.
“You stupid bitch! How dare you insult me before the ministers?”
“Kh…!”
“You little wretch! Do you want to die? Fine! Have it your way!”
His hands closed around her throat.
No six-year-old child could overcome that strength.
She clawed at his wrists, struggling desperately to loosen them.
“Th-that—”
“Trash! You think being treated like us makes you a real member of the imperial family?”
Her breath caught.
She tried to call on God as the pressure tightened, but no miracle came.
Leonhard's hands bore down as though he meant to kill her.
Benelia fought as long as she could. Then, realizing she might die there, she felt the last of her strength give way.
Her arms fell.
She gazed helplessly up at the brilliant sky.
Even as she suffocated, the sunlight remained beautiful.
Somewhere in that brightness, she found herself denying the existence of God.
Slowly, she closed her eyes.
When darkness swallowed the world again, Benelia opened them.
“…!”
She was in the guest room at the count's castle, drenched in sweat and gasping for air.
She pushed herself upright.
“Roylen!”
Her shout broke into a scream.
“Roylen—!”
The door flew open at her cry.
Professor Roylen hurried inside, already pulling a small medicine vial from his clothes.
“Here, Your Highness.”
Benelia snatched the vial, shook out two pills and swallowed them. Little by little her breathing steadied.
She brushed the hair from her face and shut her eyes. After a long, silent moment, she spoke.
“I'm sorry I shouted. You've come to help me, and all I do is trouble you.”
Roylen shook his head quickly.
“Please don't apologize. I'll stay nearby. Call whenever you need me.”
“…You have a way of saying things that makes it difficult to be angry.”
Benelia smiled faintly.
When she opened her eyes, the gold in them seemed drained of its usual brilliance.
“Roylen. Have I told you that my second brother tried to kill me?”
“Yes, Your Highness. You told me.”
“Then you know the others in the family did nothing about it.”
She closed her eyes again.
“If the guards hadn't passed by at that very moment, I would have died. And my father, the Emperor, scolded me. He said it was my fault. He even made me apologize to my second brother, as though that settled the matter.”
Her expression hardened.
“…If I hadn't been treated as illegitimate, perhaps he would have said something different.”
“Your Highness! Please be careful what you say. If anyone heard—”
“Don't fuss. Everyone who needs to know already knows.”
Benelia gave Roylen a tired look.
“Do you know what Father called me at the last cabinet meeting? A monster hungry for power. As though he has the slightest idea why I want it.”
Roylen's face tightened.
“Your Highness…”
For Benelia, gaining power was a matter of life or death. Unless she acquired strength of her own, she would always be at the mercy of people who were her family in name only.
After years of effort she had become a military commander while still young. Fifteen hundred soldiers now followed her personally.
And still it was not enough to make her feel safe.
The world remained a road lined with thorns.
“I'm especially lonely today. I wish I had a friend I could truly speak to…”
The words left her without much strength.
Then Theorad came to mind.
She couldn't understand what he wanted, but she found their conversations comfortable. She wanted to see him again.
“Roylen. What time is it?”
“It's approaching noon, Your Highness. You'll need to attend to your business soon.”
“Then I'll sleep a little longer.”
Benelia turned on her side and slipped beneath the covers.
Roylen looked appalled.
“Your Highness! You can't spend the day in bed. So many people are watching, and there is work to do—”
“You'll think of an explanation. Besides, suppressing the rebels was only the reason we gave for coming here. There's nothing for me to do on that front.”
“But—”
“Wake me this evening. I need to see Theorad.”
“…Didn't you meet him yesterday? If you only want someone to talk to, I'll gladly keep you company.”
Roylen tried to sound confident. Benelia sighed into her pillow.
“Roylen. Are you younger than Theorad?”
“No.”
“Is your understanding of magic superior to his?”
“…No.”
“Are you more handsome? More eloquent?”
“…Neither.”
Benelia spoke without turning around.
“Then why are you so confident you'd make a better conversation partner?”
“Your Highness, I—”
“Enough. Go.”
She made a dismissive motion with her hand and clicked her tongue.
Roylen could do nothing but leave the room, tears gathering in his eyes.