For You, for Me (6)
“Grand Master, it's time to wake up.”
Linea's eyelids stirred. The room slowly came into focus.
“Ah…”
She recognized the attendant leaning over her, then looked around with heavy, unfocused eyes.
Sunlight filtered through a translucent ceiling. Vines twisted around intricately carved pillars, and above them hung a vast magic stone held within a ring of iron.
The stone hummed softly, shining with a brilliant light. It was the core of the World Tree, the source of the mana that sustained the barrier surrounding the entire Great Forest.
Linea gazed at it without expression.
The attendant sighed and knelt beside the jewel-adorned sofa on which she lay. Linea turned her head toward her with little sign of interest.
“Really, Grand Master,” the attendant began. “You've fallen asleep in the temple again. How many times have I asked you to rest at your official residence? Our clan went to such trouble to prepare it for you. If you keep avoiding it, people will start to think we've failed to care for our Grand Master…”
Linea pushed herself upright. Her long silver hair slid over her shoulders like silk.
“…When is it?”
“Pardon?”
“The succession ceremony.”
“Oh. It begins at midnight. Today is the day when the mana in the Great Forest is at its densest.”
“I see…”
Linea immediately lay back and closed her eyes. Midnight was hours away. She could sleep a little longer.
The attendant looked at her in disbelief. On the day of the succession ceremony, the Grand Master should have been eager or at least attentive. Instead, Linea seemed drained of all energy.
Was this truly the child of the World Tree, the woman everyone remembered for her bright eyes and quick mind? What had happened to her among humans to leave her in such a state?
“Grand Master, you must eat something.”
“I'm fine…”
“No, you aren't. Besides, the elder has requested an audience. Please get up. Surely you won't refuse him.”
Linea's eyes opened again. She stared at the attendant for a moment, then gave a feeble nod.
“All right. I'll go.”
Hamdar had cared for her almost like a father. Even now, she couldn't bring herself to turn down his request.
The elder's room had pillars formed from tree trunks and floating magic stones that cast a soft light. At a rough wooden table sat Hamdar, warming his hands around a teacup.
For several minutes he had been listening to birds sing outside the window. When footsteps sounded in the passage, he turned to the open archway.
Linea entered, adorned with gold jewelry and dressed in the pure-white robes of the Grand Master. The appearance was at once familiar and strange.
Linea…
Almost two months had passed since her return to the Great Forest. Not once in that time had Hamdar seen her smile.
He thought he knew why. Her attendant had told him that Linea sometimes called a human man's name in her sleep.
Theorad.
That was why Hamdar had asked to see her privately. He cared for her as he would a daughter and couldn't bear the thought of her choosing a future she would regret all her life.
“Elder.”
Linea placed a hand against her chest and bowed. Hamdar returned the courtesy and gestured to the chair opposite him.
“Sit, please. Before the succession ceremony, there is something I'd like to discuss with you in private.”
She sat without a word. Her face was pale and expressionless. Hamdar did not comment on it; he reached for the teapot instead.
“You were gone longer than I expected,” he said. “I thought I'd grow old and die waiting for you.”
“…I'm sorry.”
“What is there to apologize for? Had you been happy, I wouldn't have minded never seeing you again. But you don't look happy now.”
Linea lowered her eyes like a child who had been scolded. Hamdar gave a quiet laugh and poured tea into an empty cup.
“Grand Master, let me ask you plainly. Why are you determined to become a guardian spirit when it is clearly not what you want?”
“…I was born a red-eyed child of the World Tree. It's my duty.”
“Who says a child of the World Tree must become a guardian spirit?”
“I read it in a history book.”
“A history book.”
Hamdar slid the cup of steaming green tea toward her.
“History changes as the world changes. Long ago, our people honored the World Tree's children as guardian spirits because we needed them to defend the Great Forest from the dragons. Isn't that so?”
“Yes.”
“Then consider this. After the long war, the dragons are gone. Do our people still need a guardian spirit in the same way?”
“That…”
She had no answer. The position endured as tradition, but no one was forcing the World Tree's children to take it.
“You know what accepting the World Tree's power in the succession ceremony means,” Hamdar continued. “Once you become a guardian spirit, you won't be able to set foot outside the Great Forest. Are you certain you won't regret that?”
Linea bit her lip and remained silent. The elder watched her with deep concern.
“Even Senia, our present guardian spirit, hesitates to pass that life on to someone else. To live with one's freedom so severely limited is painful. Yet you know all this, and still you intend to undergo the succession. Can you tell me why?”
She had never coveted power. Why would she choose a life she knew would hurt her?
At last, Linea decided to tell him the truth.
“Because a guardian spirit can never leave the Great Forest.”
“You wish to become a guardian spirit precisely so you can lose your freedom?” The old man frowned. “I'm afraid I don't understand.”
“…There is a man I love.”
Her voice was barely audible. She clenched the hands resting in her lap.
“He is someone I would have given everything for. While I was with Theorad, I experienced things I'd never known and made memories that are precious to me. The year I spent beside him was the most valuable time of my life.”
“I see. Then why did you leave such a precious person and come back?”
“Because I didn't belong there.”
Tears gathered in her red eyes. She lifted the cup to steady herself and fought to keep her voice even.
“I love him. But he doesn't love me. Another woman has promised to spend her life at his side.”
At the wedding, she had watched Theorad and Ashley looking at each other with such affection. It had seemed proof that they could be happy without her.
They don't need me.
“So I came home. If I become a guardian spirit, I'll have no choice but to stay here. I can put these feelings behind me and wish the two of them happiness from afar…”
“You intend to imprison yourself in the Great Forest for this man's happiness? And you decided that disappearing without warning would be best for them both?”
Hamdar couldn't hide his sorrow. To him, this seemed a choice that would only leave her with regret.
“But tell me something. Why are you so certain Theorad doesn't love you?”
The question cut deep. Linea's fingers tightened around the teacup.
“He never told me he loved me.”
Theorad was gentle, warm, and endlessly forgiving. Even after all the trouble she had caused him, he had treated her with kindness.
But she couldn't be sure his kindness was love. Perhaps it was only the compassion he showed to people who had suffered.
“Not once… Not once did I hear him say he loved me.”
How could she keep longing for a love that might never come? Unreturned feelings would only wound them both.
Hamdar sighed. Reaching across the table, he gently stroked the back of her hand with his wrinkled fingers.
“Linea, you foolish child. You've made a terrible decision based on an assumption.”
“It wasn't hasty. I thought about it for a long time. Things may be difficult now, but one day Theorad will forget me, and—”
“Did you ask him?”
Linea stopped in the middle of her sentence.
The elder met her startled gaze.
“Did you ever ask Theorad whether he loved you?”
No. She hadn't asked.
She had been too frightened of hearing him say he didn't love her. After all the wounds people had dealt her, avoiding the question had become a way to protect herself.
“If you never asked, what you've told me is only your own conclusion. He may have loved you all along. Perhaps even now, somewhere, he's grieving and calling your name.”
A tear slid down Linea's cheek. Her mouth trembled, and she curled inward with a stifled sob.
“What use is telling me this now?”
Her voice broke. She pulled her hand away from the table to wipe her eyes.
“I've already left him…”
Her shoulders shook. No matter how often she wiped her cheeks, fresh tears followed.
“Now… now there's no way to undo it…”
Even a mistaken decision was still a decision. How could she shamelessly return to a household she'd abandoned without saying a word?
She believed she deserved to suffer the consequences. Whatever her reasons, she had caused Theorad pain. That much she could not deny.
“…”
The birds outside fell silent. The tea grew cold.
In the room filled with the sound of Linea crying, Hamdar could think of nothing more to say.